There’s something that you should know about me — I have major depressive disorder with psychotic episodes, I have a mental illness. What that means is that I struggle to get out of my room most days, that I see a psychiatrist and take medication to control it, and occasionally I have a breakdown, panic attack, anxiety attack, etc. with psychotic features like delusional paranoia, uncontrollable thoughts, and self-deprecating feedback loops of internalized emotional abuse. If you’re close friends with me you’ve probably been a witness or victim of one of these episodes.
I’m hoping that sharing my anecdotal experience with depression and psychosis will help eliminate the stigmas around mental illness. I’m getting the help I need, and I am getting better, but it helps to talk about it. I’m not doing so great right now. It’s my hope that I can foster the spark of hope within others afflicted by mental illness by simply saying, “Yes. I too am sick. And I am getting help for it.”
While I’m not doing so great right now, I have a strong support system and friends who watch out for me and whom I love dearly. They’re the best medicine. I’m not at risk, necessarily, but I want to express the lows of my life as vividly as the high points, and this is a part of the lows.
Thanks for reading, friend, and I hope this finds you well, happy, healthy, sad, depressed, emotionally unstable, or whatever state you’re in, but I hope it finds you and that it helps. – Steven